I wanted to share with my friends how wonderful the Lord has been to me though this heart breaking time of my life. But first »where I have been and where I am going now..
The only time I can recall such a broken heart was when my fiance was killed in a auto accicent two weeks before our wedding. That was a horrible tragety back in 1974. He was my first true love of my life.
Well when I met my husband 7 yrs ago I had fallen so deeply in love with him. I moved well over a hundred miles to be with him, leaving all my friends and family behind to make a new life together. We were shortly married. We gave the Vow to God in front of witnesses the pledge of Love to be with eachother as one till death we would we part, then sealing it with our rings and a Kiss.
Even though there were times in our marriage we had difficulties we stuck together though it all. I am not going to write about what I did or what he did throughout our marriage. But only one thing that happened is that I could not forgive him for something he did early in our marriage. Within the next few years this unforgiveness festered inside of me Lots of things took place I dont want to say on here, but we both reacted in a un-rash matter twards eachother. He dove deeply into his music, photography, bars, stage highlight and the like. And i dove deeply into depression, drinking being alone, hiding myself on the computer with games, ufo searches, and just trying to feel better than I actually did on the inside of me. Then we had a huge fight one night, I left the house thinking it was going to be for one or two nights which became now a year later.
I tried to read the Bible..while I was staying in a shelter. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. I know I needed help.. my heart was torn in a million pieces. I hated myself. I hated the life style we lived the sin we lived in. It was so hard to come to Jesus.. I cried myself to sleep so many months. One day I was served divorce papers at work in front of all my co-workers. Well my prayers were twards us getting back to counseling and then back to eachothers arms again.So I felt sick when I was handed the papers and went off to the back of the store and broke down.. It was it! it was final .. God didnt hear my prayers. thats all I could think of.. the rejection of my husband and now God. The devistation was more than I could bear.
I managed to continue to work.. I hadnt had a drink in months.. I havent to this day and I have no desire to.. not even when It was more than i could take. But one thing that was on my mind was that my life all that I loved all that I wanted was gone and those thoughts of dying came to me all the time.. One day I just couldnt take it one more day.. I had no body .. all my friends would not talk to me.. not one asked or called to see how I was doing.. These were people who I adored.. I met them threw my husband since I had been a stranger here 7 yrs ago.. but no one seemed to be concerned how I was holding up. So in my pity I knew that that night I would just go to sleep and not wake up. Well God had another plan.. Praise The Lord who Loves me!!!! He said he would never leave you and forsake you.. and he came to me that very day in a form of a Angel..
Work was so busy that day.. hords of people were so impatient asking me left and right to find something on the sales floor.. I looked over to my dept where I sell cell phone contracts and saw a man there with long hair and a beard.. my first thought . humm he looks like Jesus would look.. then as helping some one else.. I glanced over to see him again and he was standing there gentle like but the white shirt he had on was brilliant.. and it glowed brighter and brighter before my eyes.. and I got a feel that this was either my eyes playing tricks or his white shirt is whiter than white I had ever seen.. alluminating. I was being called by several people to help them and I quickly directed them to where to find their products. Then I went back to my area and it hadnt been but a few sec and this man was gone.. I looked for him up the isles looking for this whiter than white shirt.. but he was gone. I asked if anyone that was on the registars next to me saw him standing there to see if they noticed his white shirt.. and they told me there was no one there all that time while I was not in my dept... Jesus? or a Angel? was my frist thoughts....I believe it was.. because I went home that night and instead of wanting to die I had Hope..and God and I had a very, very , very long talk with so much tears that I could have flooded the town I live in.
I repented of walking away from my faith in Him, and all my sins I commented, all the jellousy, anger, un-forgiveness, and I asked him to help me now to get through this broken heart and the loss of my Love. The Lord has been helping me with his word and fasting with prayer has been a regular for me now particularly since the divorce court dates have been set.. and then canceled.. I know its the work of our Lord.
I had the Holy Spirit refreshed in me one sunday morning at church. It was truely a miracle. One of the pastors here on myspace from Pakistan that has a healing ministery was here in Yakima for a convention. When my pastor introduced him I couldnt believe my ears or eyes. It seemed like such a long wait for service to be over and meet him. Who would think out of all the churches in the world or out of all the cities in the USA that this man would be at my church all the way from Pakistan? The wonderful thing is that I had written him a few months prior and asked him if he would pray for my Husband to be saved and our marriage to be restored. So here he is at MY CHURCH.. God is truely amazing..
After service I went to introduce myself.. and he knew me too. But he wanted to pray with me before I had to head off to work. As we prayed and as I was had my eyes shut the Holy Spirit swept threw my body with a surge of energy of pure love and gentleness. The whole day It seemed as if I was in the arms of Jesus. Later the next day I realized my knee didnt hurt as it had been.. and God had healed it along with a new sense of His divine presense of his Holy Spirit leading and teaching me and helping me in His Faith with the word of God. Alluluah... Glory to God.
God is so Good.. one night as I was praying I got overwhelmed in sorrow.. I've been really trying to focus on Gods word and praying his word with belief. But this one night I broke down and bawled like a baby to God.. wishing for my husband missing him.. remembering his smell, his laugh, his funny humours jokes. the feel of his touch and the times we shared enjoying one another. Well as I was in this deep sorrow.. I wispered Holy Spirit help me..I was at a low point in emotions and my heart seemed to have opened its wounds again. As I was sitting there grabbing gobbs of kleenex I suddenly got this surge of energy threw my body again as sort of like the time I prayed with Bishop Shalmat but a bit different because as Gods energy went threw me the Holy Spirit grabbed my Heart and held it tenderly. I sat there and in a instant the crying stopped.. and God held my heart all the rest of the night as if he had his arms around me tight. I love the Lord.. He really has been there for me he said in his word he heals the broken hearted. God love is so divine His presence is un-mistakeable!
Then this miracle again happened.. My step daughter added me to her myspace.. I have missed her so much, I have prayed and continue to pray for her.. I thank the Lord for this miracle.. I pray that we can sometime in the future talk again. I love her so much.
Well thats it all wraped up in a blog.. I pray for all my friends here.. you guys have been such a blessing to me threw all this time of my loss. I thank you for Your Prayers and your friendships. I felt to just share what a Blessing God has been to me. As I learn to pray effectually I believe that God has his hand on my divorce that the Holy Spirit is working within the means of my husband and he will ask Jesus into his heart. I believe that this restraining order will be lifted off both of us as God leads His Spirit and that our marriage will take a new bound turn in the near future for the Glory of God and His Kingdom and as a witness to all who have prayed and who are not saved.
God Bless you all
I love all of you In the name of Jesus
Kimberly
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